When I Grow Up – April 8th 2017

When I was a child, I wanted to have a family with two kids, two girls. I wanted twins, and I wanted them to look like my sister.
When I was a child, I wanted to curl up in my bed with a hot chocolate and read every single books on Earth until I didn’t have anything left to read.
When I was a child, I wanted to write as many novels as I could until I didn’t have anything left to write.
When I was a child, I wanted to be seen, but not too much. I wanted to be loved, to be famous. I wanted to get onstage, have a part in a play. I wanted to sign books.

I never had a shitty life. I’ve always had what I wanted. I had a pink mobile phone when I got 12, flew to Sydney when I was 14, to Washington D.C when I was 16, graduated high school when I was 17, left for the best school in my country at the age of 18 and got my first car when I was 19.
I had my first kiss at 10 years old, had my first boyfriend at 16, cried for a boy at 16 as well, did my first time at 17 and fell in love quite a few times. 

As I got older, I discovered YouTube. I discovered Wattpad. I discovered blogging. I discovered writing longer stories about senseless things.
As I got older, I wrote about my thoughts getting darker and darker for some reason. Butlet’s face it guys… they are not supposed to be darkened by anything: I had a dream life.
As I got older, I thought about starting a YouTube channel and make funny, stupid videos. I thought about having my own blog (which I have) and writing about my life (which I do). I thought about writing a really long and cool story about a girl trapped in a bus and another one about this girl walking in her own dream.
As I got older, I discovered that theatre could be way more than just a hobby.

My parents have always been supportive, kind of. They always looked after me, they were always there when I turned around, following my steps as I was falling through every single hole in the ground.
They gave me everything I needed: from food to a car, from birthday presents to tips, from baby’s bottles filled with hot chocolate to my very first glass of wine.

When I was in my last year of high school, I wondered what I wanted to do with my life.
When I was in my last year of high school, I kept on writing poems, songs, texts and Facebook posts.
When I was in my last year of high school, I decided I wanted to speak English, travel and do what I liked (and pretty much the only thing I am good at): writing. I also decided I wanted to be onstage, famous and known. I also decided I wanted to sing (though most of us know I definitely CANNOT sing. At all. Never. Do not let me start singing otherwise you’ve lost me for quite a few songs).
When I was in my last year of high school, my parents proved me that having a job in theatre or writing novels wasn’t the best idea I could have, so I changed my mind and wondered what I wanted to do with my life for the second time.
When I was in my last year of high school, I told everyone I had found my way: International Hospitality Management.

When I grow up, I want to make the people I love proud. I want to make my parents proud. I want to make my sister proud.
When I grow up, I want to look like my little sister. I want to be confident, capable, happy, smiling every hour of the day until I get to see my dog and can finally be myself.
When I grow up, I want to wake up at 7 in the morning, go for a walk on Bondi Beach, run my hotel during the day and be onstage singing in the evening.
When I grow up, I want to sell everything I own and start it all over again. I want to make a themed-hotel based on theatre and stories, where I can be myself and no one will ever judge me.
When I grow up, I want to buy a black pug, go home at night and kiss my husband goodnight, hear my son cry because I forgot to read his favorite bedtime story.

When I grow up, I want to wish I was 20 all over again.

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